I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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