I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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