Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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