k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
