i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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