i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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