So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
