did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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