ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sext me about skeletons
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
