what day is it and did you see me today?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
