Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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