Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
