Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
