you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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