My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
