i barfeds in our rink
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
