Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
