please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
