so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I just sharted jello shots
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
