Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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