i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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