i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
