Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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