Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
