Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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