he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
