I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
