living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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