what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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