People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
