Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
