we have pet lesbian snakes
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
