Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize