we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
