Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
