also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize