Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
