We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
