I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
