I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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