What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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