"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
