I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
