Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize