I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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