You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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