I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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