maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
