i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
