you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
