I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
