and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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