I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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