I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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