When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize