Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
