You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
