the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
