I'm eating all of the evidence.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
