Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
