I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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