i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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