why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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