I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
