is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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