***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
