we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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