you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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