Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
