im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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