It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
