Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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