I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
