Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
