My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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