she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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