I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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