Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
