i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
