Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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