she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
