I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
