dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
