I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
