the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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