Small penises have feelings too.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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