I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
