Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
