Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize