In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
