just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
