Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
