After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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