either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
