I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize