if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
