youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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