i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
