You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
