today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
