evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
