You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
