like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
