I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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