we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
